Has Anyone Else Gone Down the Rabbit Hole?

The pandemic of 2020 will most assuredly go down in history. We’ve all watched in horror, as first reports ‘only’ a few were dying in China and within mere weeks, COVID-19 was a pandemic claiming tens of thousands, and it continued taking lives as it marched into Europe and then, America. Almost in the blink of an eye, our entire world was infected with the COVID-19 virus. A vicious, unrelenting virus that attacks the chronically ill, in particular, my health/age group… Through my Vestibular journey and because of my Vestibular issues, I’ve ‘met’ (via V.E.D.A., Facebook, etc.) people from around the world. Wonderful, beautiful, dizzy people. So when COVID-19 began ‘over there’, I watched our news as it hit Country after Country where I knew people. I prayed. I worried. Try as I might, I have gone down the rabbit hole, more than once in all honesty.

Staying at home is something that is my norm (normal for most of us with chronic illnesses), as I rarely go anywhere anyway. The difference now is, this virus could kill me. It has killed millions at this point and I don’t see it slowing down. I am horrified how the USA has handled this crisis. Americans want to scream and protest for their ‘right’ NOT to wear a mask! I am horrified and embarrassed. I’m in Texas and we’ve been hit hard. Regardless, Mike sees people refuse to donn masks, refuse to social distance. I became a germaphobe only after getting a virus that took away my balance. I AM a hugger, so this has been difficult. I was a ‘kisser’ prior to this. I am an extremely affectionate person, I am lacking nothing, I just appreciate human touch…

I took a ‘break’ one year ago when Mike retired, because we were going to travel the USA (which neither of us have seen much of), tent camping in our new 10’x19′ canvas tent, a ‘Cadillac’ of tents. The fact is, we’ve done literally nothing for us since his retirement. The only traveling? Back and forth to Dallas (six hours one way) every two weeks for our daughter to have her foot ‘rebuilt’. In 2005, she was in a horrid high speed accident in which her right foot was crushed, a front to back crush injury. One of the worst a person can have. A foot surgeon was called in, after being told ‘they’ would have to amputate, he said he could save her foot! Which he did do. What he did was amazing and we were so grateful. There was always supposed to be other surgeries but she just went on with her life. It lasted 17+ years. Eventually, the foot pain became unbearable for her and she sought a well qualified surgeon but in Dallas…

We committed to her surgery for November 2019 and follow up appointments but it really wasn’t well explained. Oh, the truth is, these types of doctor’s visits are long and difficult to go through. It was a 5 hour day with all the paperwork, MRI’s, etc. I think we went to four different areas and I guess we could have missed the one that explained things such as, every 2 weeks she’d have follow ups for the next three months! Besides the 6 hour car ride one way, the cost of staying out of town, I just don’t travel well… As a matter of fact, I stayed behind from her recent trip because I’m dealing with, shall I say, intestinal issues… These trips aren’t vacations, we’re still in quarantine. If only people would simply wear masks…

We also had a ‘rip, roaring’ three month trip to my Dads. Again NOT a fun trip. A stomach bug that he let get out of hand took him down, quite literally. He became very dehydrated, then his electrolytes went crazy and he wound up falling not once but three times, breaking his ankle. It was a hard lesson to learn in his 90’s but he has learned some great adaptive techniques. A walker has become his best friend, thankfully. One day (3 months later), he just said, “I think y’all need to go home to your family”. I knew it had been time for a couple of weeks but I wanted him to take the lead. We continue to travel to check in on him and do simple cleaning.

So, here we are, almost one year into a pandemic. I have definitely been in and out of the rabbit hole. I have a loving husband that keeps his hand open, to pull me out but there are so many people that have no one to help to keep them out of the rabbit hole. We need to reach out and check in on our family and friends who are floundering with the world as it stands now. If you have no one to pull you out, call your Mental Health Professionals. There is no shame in not knowing how to handle yourself in a situation NONE of us have ever been through.

I have missed ALL of you out there! Time really does fly…

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