For Every Step Forward… Another Awaits

I am still recovering from the Holidays of 2016, how about you? Were you able to be part of it or was your world too topsy turvy to enjoy it? I do know, I’m happy to say goodbye to last year and ‘HELLO!’ to 2017. I have many hopes for this new year, one of which is to become more active. I have a new pair of Keen shoes I won as part of VEDA’s 2016 ‘Defeat Dizziness’ social media campaign, just waiting for me to use! Not that I haven’t worn them already, I just love them for the comfort and they make me look fit! Our treadmill awaits me…Yep, still there…Dang, it! Just waiting for me to take a step forward because another step awaits!

We had a lovely Christmas, my greatest gift being a dizzy free 2 week period! Our grandsons were here for a full two weeks, which is both a blessing and a curse. The younger grandson came with a cough, which always terrifies me. I can’t help fearing illnesses after the way I contracted my Vestibular Disorder (through a sneeze). Regardless, I accomplished so much in those 2 weeks, that just didn’t happen in previous years. I decorated our home (after Mike and Lewis brought it all down from the attic!), put up a tree (again, Mike and Lewis) and actually decorating it (this, I did do alone). Unexpected emotions took me over as I unwrapped ornaments. The majority of them were given by my mother. Her gifts were always so thoughtful and personalized, even her Christmas ornaments, which she gave us every year into adulthood. Bittersweet memories and many tears later, our tree so beautiful in the end. I really couldn’t make sense of my ‘non-dizziness’ that was going on, but I was going to go with it! I made Chocolate Truffles and my ‘trademark’ Vanilla Lavender Shortbread, three batches over the two weeks of feeling, dare I say, good! I actually went with Mike to a store for a little shopping (note I say ‘a’ store. A single store, with a list, still using the shopping basket). I’ve done 100% of my shopping on Amazon previous years, so to actually get out and to actually shop was exhausting, but I did it! I wrapped gifts. I attended the family Christmas dinner at my brother-in-law’s home and actually enjoyed myself! All the things I consider ‘Christmasy’, I was able to do…What was going on with me? Should I even question not being dizzy?

Some might say, “You did half what I did. What’s the big deal”? Well, the big deal, the huge deal is, for the past number of years, I was unable to do any of that. My home didn’t have one thing to even insinuate Christmas too many years. When I was feeling so horrid, I could have just let it pass altogether, but with children or grandchildren looking to you to make it happen, it’s difficult. For those of us dealing with Vestibular Disorders, the Holiday Season presents so many triggers! The lights, the sounds, the smells are all wonderful IF you can handle it. Smells are either wonderful or noxious to me when I’m nauseated. My husband can say, “Mmmm! Doesn’t that smell good? Do you want some?”, as I’m literally gagging from the odor. This is an odd ‘side effect’ from throwing up for so long prior to diagnosis and never went away. I’m left with a ‘hyper gag’ reflex, meaning I gag a lot! Certain smells, thinking about something gross, seeing something gross, all of these make me gag. I can laugh about it at times, but when it happens in front of others, it’s very embarrassing. Lights are another trigger. If they are non-blinking lights, it doesn’t bother me, but blinking or strobe type lights do me in. It seems there’s a trend for increased movement with Christmas lights. Homes now have lights that move to music! While this an amazing accomplishment, is not enjoyable for me to watch…at all!

So, I have these two great weeks at Christmas, the timing perfect, just before Christmas and almost a week after. Then I got a cold (remember our grandson with a cough?). While it passed quite quickly with about three days of head congestion, it brought back dizziness. Of course, if I’m sick, Mike also gets sick. We were well for only a short time when it hit us again, but this time with a vengeance! We never ran a fever, but we felt like we had the flu. No, it was ‘just’ Bronchitis…I’m still plagued with a nasty cough, but we’ve finally rid ourselves of that mess! My OCD came out during this sick period, using up a can of Lysol, and cleaning everything with Clorox (over and over and over…).

What did I learn from this recent bout of illnesses? I learned (yet, again!), if you’re sick, you’re sick! Give in to it. Meaning, listen to your body and treat it accordingly. Miss work if possible, you will only pass it on to others and possibly catch it again (like us). Mike’s job has no sick leave (seriously), so when he missed one day of work, he has to work a double shift to make it up (seriously? Not one day for illness in 365 days?). But taking that one day off, to take Nyquil and sleep around the clock, made a huge difference! Taking care of ourselves seems like such a no-brainer, yet how many of us actually do this 365 days a year? How many people and responsibilities do we put in front of ourselves? For me, it’s more than I can count, I even put things I can no longer do, on my to do list…why? Old habits, old messages of what I should do. These are things I have a hard time keeping in their place. Being a full-time mom tends to make us become that person who puts their needs on the back burner. I used to joke years ago, when our whole family was sick, “Mom can’t be sick…”, but the truth is, we sure can and we do! We just don’t ‘show’ it, right? If I was sick, who’d take care of the family? ME, of course! This was when our kids were young, prior to me having anything, of course! As life has its own jokes to play on us, Mike is now the one to take care of us all…

For now, I will focus on and be grateful for those two weeks of non-dizziness. I will be grateful for all I was able to accomplish during that time. I was so grateful for getting my tree up and decorated…it’s still up! Oh my, isn’t that bad luck? Too bad, I’m looking forward to a fantastic 2017. It may have begun with a couple of bumps in the road, but my excitement over the new year, ‘trumps’ anything! (pardon the bad pun, but I couldn’t resist!).

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