Questions Galore. I Question It All!

I’ve started about 6 different posts and completed not a single one. Am I having brain fog or am I just scattered? I think it’s a little of both, but no matter, I still need to complete one of them! I continue to come back to this question, how did I wind up here? A 60-year-old woman, forced to retire from a career I loved because I am chronically dizzy? “If you can’t see it, then it’s not there“. We all know the feeling of having someone not believe you. WHY would anyone fake a Vestibular Disorder? Attention? I do NOT need this kind of attention, believe me!  I have come to realize, it takes a strong person to deal with an invisible and chronic disorder, a very strong person. I’ve come to believe I am this strong person. The old saying, “Walk a mile in my shoes”, comes to mind. To walk in my shoes, you’d have to be willing to take a fall at the drop of a hat and break some bones, multiple bones! Yes, a Vestibular Disorder is invisible as it lays within our brains, but the symptoms are surely visible. At the very least, they can see the bruises I bear from ‘clipping’  doorways or tables or the footboard of my bed. The fact is, I don’t get out much, not much at all. Nine times out of ten, it’s to go to a doctors appointment. So yes, I do a lot of wondering what got me here, besides the original sneeze…

If I look back at my medical history, I guess I have always been a ‘sickly‘ person. Aside from the usual childhood diseases of the era (circa 1958). My oldest sibling brought them all home from school. Most of these diseases either no longer exist or we now have vaccinations for, such as Measles, Mumps, Rubella, Scarlet Fever, Chicken Pox, Whooping Cough…My poor mother watching helplessly, as each disease traveled down the line of siblings. Catching one after another from sibling to sibling, all within a couple of months. My mother was the only one unaffected by that first school visit. Mother documented this period on a calendar and it was crammed full of notes, who got what when and such. It overlapped into the Christmas holidays, yet we still had our regular holiday, just 4 children opening gifts, covered with scabs! We all survived, with the worst side effect was scarring from the Chicken Pox. The Small Pox Vaccination was a ‘badge of honor’ for our generation, leaving a scar on our shoulder (Mike received two due to a distracted school nurse!). Small Pox no longer exists because of vaccinations. Was my mother a Saint? The simple answer, yes!

The only difference after that, my appendix was taken out when I was six-years-old ( this is me at that age above). I caught a Staph Infection at the hospital, prolonging my stay. This is the infection that, I believe, made me susceptible to every single thing that followed. It wasn’t a Superbug of today, but I’ve had a lifetime of some kind of illness, way more than the average person. Is this scientific? Of course not, but it’s my hypothesis…None of my siblings were hospitalized in childhood, just me. None had health issues like me. I was ‘teased’ for being sick. Isn’t that what siblings do, though? So I really wonder about Staph...Back then, simple Penicillin ‘cured’ it, yet it recurred over and over in me. We now know the overuse of antibiotics, makes us resistant to them. There was a time, I didn’t think twice about taking them, but I am now resistant to take antibiotics! Most of the diseases we get are viral anyway, making antibiotics useless. I think it makes us feel better that we are given prescriptions after seeing a doctor when we’re sick. Because when you feel so bad, you want that magic pill.

America is a prescription pill Nation. I’m beginning to question all the medicine I take after a mix up with my Lyrica (NOT my fault!). Most meds, I’ve been on so long, I don’t even look at the label to see if it was written or filled correctly. I just filled my pill holder until they’re gone, then call in for a refill. A few weeks ago, I ran out of the Lyrica (of course, it was a Friday…) and called in my refill only to be told, “It’s too soon”. Then, I did I look at the bottle. ‘Someone’ at the doctor’s office had called in half what it should have been! Of course, the person failed to properly document, thus remaining unidentified. really? According to the pharmacist, “She couldn’t call my doctor” (*note: Do not be ugly to the person who might save you) and according to my doctor, he was “On call all weekend, they should have called me. You can’t go without that medicine”…Regardless, I had to go without them for 3 days. Three days of almost immediate withdrawal symptoms, nausea, vomiting, profuse sweating, and pain unlike I’d felt in years! Lyrica is a Class 5 Narcotic they say is non-addicting but after that??? Now, I want off of it but am terrified after that experience. I know the dosage is slowly lowered, but still…Back to researching…As I have more questions now…

vestibular.org